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1 13.
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Xmas and Christmas
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a last chapter from Herodotus
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this was first published in Time and
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Tide volume 35 the 4th of December 1954
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and reprinted in undeceptions 1971 and
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first and second things 1985 and is now
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in compelling reason 1998.
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and Beyond this there lies in the ocean
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turned towards the west and North the
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island of niatob which hecatius indeed
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declares to be the same size and shape
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as Sicily but it is larger though in
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calling it triangular a man would not
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miss the mark
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it is densely inhabited by men who wear
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clothes not very different from the
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other barbarians who occupy the
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Northwestern parts of Europe although
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they do not agree with them in language
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these Islanders surpassing all the men
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of whom we know in patience and
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endurance use the following customs
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in the middle of winter when fogs and
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rains most abound they have a great
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Festival which they call Xmas and for 50
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days they prepare for it in the fashion
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I shall describe
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first of all every citizen is obliged to
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send to each of his friends and
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relations a square piece of hard paper
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stamped with a picture which in their
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speech is called an Xmas card
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but the pictures represent Birds sitting
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on branches or trees with a dark green
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prickly leaf or else men in such
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garments as the Nia terbians believe
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that their ancestors were 200 years ago
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writing in coaches such as their
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ancestors use or houses with snow on
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their roofs
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and the Nia terbians are unwilling to
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say what these pictures have to do with
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the festival guarding as I suppose some
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sacred mystery
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and because all men must send these
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cards the marketplace is filled with the
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crowd of those buying them so that there
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is great Labor and weariness
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but having bought as many as they
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supposed to be sufficient they returned
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to their houses and find there the light
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cards which others have sent to them and
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when they find cards from any to whom
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they also have sent cards they throw
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them away and give thanks to the gods
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that this labor at least is over for
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another year
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but when they find cards for many to
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whom they have not sent then they beat
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their breasts and wail and utter curses
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against the sender and having
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sufficiently lamented their Misfortune
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they put on their boots again and go out
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into the fog and drain and buy a card
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for him also
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and that this account suffice about Xmas
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cards
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they also send gifts to one another
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suffering the same things about the
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gifts as about the cards or even worse
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for every citizen has to guess the value
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of the gift which every friend will send
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to him so that he may send one of equal
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value whether he can avoid it or not and
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they buy as gifts for one another such
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things as no man ever bought for himself
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for the sellers understanding the custom
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put forth all kinds of trumpery and
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whatever being useless and ridiculous
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they have been unable to sell throughout
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the year they now sell as an Xmas gift
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under the Nia terbians professed
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themselves to lack sufficient necessary
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things such as metal leather wood and
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paper yet an incredible quantity of
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these things is wasted every year being
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made into the gifts
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but during these 50 days the oldest
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poorest and most miserable of the
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citizens put on false beards and red
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robes and walk about the marketplace
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being disguised in my opinion as Kronos
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and the sellers of gifts no less than
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the purchases become pale and weary
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because of the crowds and the fog so
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that any man who came into a niatobian
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city at this season would think some
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great public Calamity had fallen on
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niatub
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this 50 days of preparation is called in
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their Barbarian speech The exmouth Rush
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but when the day of the festival comes
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then most of the citizens being
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exhausted with the rush lie in bed till
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noon
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but in the evening they eat five times
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as much supper as on other days and
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crowning themselves with crowns of paper
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they become intoxicated
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and on the day after Xmas they are very
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grave being internally disordered by the
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supper and the drinking and Reckoning
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how much they have spent on gifts and on
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the wine
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for wine is so dear among the Nia
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terbians that a man must swallow the
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worth of a talent before he is well
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intoxicated
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such then are there Customs about the
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Xmas
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but the few among the Nia terbians have
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also a festival separate and to
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themselves called Christmas which is on
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the same day as Xmas
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and those who keep Christmas doing the
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opposite to the majority of the Nia
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terbians rise early on that day with
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shining faces and go Before Sunrise to
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certain temples where they partake of a
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sacred feast
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and in most of the temples they set out
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images of a fair woman with a newborn
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child on her knees and certain animals
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and Shepherds adoring the child
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the reason of these images is given in a
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certain sacred story which I know but do
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not repeat
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but I myself conversed with a priest in
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one of these temples and asked him why
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they kept Christmas on the same day as
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Xmas for it appeared to me inconvenient
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but the priest replied it is not lawful
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No Stranger for us to change the date of
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Christmas but would that Zeus would put
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it into the minds of the Nia terbians to
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keep Xmas at some other time or not to
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keep it at all
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for Xmas and the rush distract the minds
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even of the few from sacred things
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and we indeed are glad that men should
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make Merry at Christmas but in Xmas
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there is no merriment left
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and when I asked him why they endured
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the rush he replied
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it is a stranger a racket using as I
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suppose the words of some Oracle and
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speaking unintelligibly to me for a
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racket is an instrument which The
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Barbarians use in a game called tennis
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but what hecatea says that Xmas and
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Christmas are the same is not credible
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for first the pictures which are stamped
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on the Xmas cards have nothing to do
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with the sacred story which the priests
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tell about Christmas
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and secondly the most part of the Nia
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terbians not believing the religion of
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the few nevertheless send the gifts and
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cards and participate in the rush and
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drink wearing paper caps
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but it is not likely that men even being
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barbarians should suffer so many and
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great things in honor of a god they do
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not believe in
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and now enough about niatob